Thursday, January 23, 2014

How to Vaccinate Your Goats: A Guide



Materials Needed
1 bottle CDT vaccine
2 syringes (at least 2 ml)
4 needles (20 gauge, 3/4 inch)
alcohol
cotton ball
gin
ice
dark chocolate
a good friend with injection skills
leftover pot roast

Procedure
Ask a dear friend (preferably a student nurse) to come over and shoot up your goats. Have her bring her kids so that your own kids are occupied. Watch your friend clean the top of the vaccine bottle with an alcohol-soaked cotton ball. For fifteen seconds, no cheating. Watch her attach a needle to the syringe and draw up 2 ml of vaccine, flick air bubbles out with her finger, then remove that needle (now dull) and attach a new one. Replace needle cap to maintain sterility. Repeat for second goat.

Go outside and catch a goat. Know that the front armpit (legpit?) area is good for subcutaneous (under the skin) injections such as these. Feel up the goats and realize that they are so small there isn't a lot of flesh to work with. Wonder how you will pinch up a little tent of skin for the injection when they are covered in thick hair and tight skin. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of giving an intramuscular injection instead. Wonder where you can find enough muscle to give an IM shot. Worry about giving a shot in the hind legs and hitting the sciatica nerve. Decide to go for the sub-Q injection. Restrain your 18-pound miniature goat on top of a giant wooden spool while your loyal friend scrounges up enough goat skin for a sub-Q injection. Success. Realize that the goat didn't even seem to feel the shot. Repeat with the second goat.


Go inside and wash your hands and sit down with a bottle of Bombay Sapphire gin, two ice-filled glasses, and a bar of extra dark chocolate (85%, please). Convince your friend that she doesn't really need to go the grocery store tonight and make her stay until past the kids' bedtimes. At some point heat up yesterday's leftover pot roast and eat it all before the kids realize there is hot food.


And that, my friends, is how you give a goat a shot.

2 comments:

  1. That is success no matter how you slice it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Best tutorial ever. Seriously. One that ends with gin and chocolate, plus the word "legpit"??? Brilliant.

    ReplyDelete

I love to read comments so please leave me one!